Bad Habit

I find myself stopping my fingers
from tracing the place
where what we meant would lie
they keep grabbing for it out of habit
but it's no longer there
much like us
much like what we were
much like your love
much like
you

thinking out loud...

i like to be attracted to the light.  i remember a time when all i would write about was my love-hate relationship for darkness. it's all dislike now. darkness is ugly. me and a good friend were talking about toxic relationships and as the topic was in the air; darkness loomed over us. i felt it. the universe was telling me that i was speaking bad things. the warning registered as it tapped a newly installed switch: awareness. awareness of more than just me, myself, & what I'M experiencing. im learning that the atmosphere really does speak to us, ever so softly. it responds. it absorbs. it lives and breaths whatever we put into it, completely reflective. & the more i become in tune with how i effect everything around me, the more I'm turned off by exuding negativity. negativity is nothing without people who speak it alive. darkness is nothing but a bunch of people hiding in the same spot attempting to blend in, so concentrated on each other that they don't realize everything else around them. all of the unoccupied negative space to be filled with individual positivity becomes invisible, just like the atmosphere. we end up not realizing that what we don't see is just as important as what we do see. i don't want that for myself anymore. I've removed myself. I'm currently investing in the materials i need to bring life to light. there's so much around us that needs attention other than our selves, so much to be rediscovered and cultivated. turn up the light and let's vibe! let's party! shots of love all around, on me.

Title Wave

car 

ship

music

traveling in time

head filled with your tune

melodic fumes

i don't care who can see

i'm not ashamed of what you do to me

you penetrate my bones

and move me from within

make me cross the line

and cause all around me to blur

fast

every atom that makes me me

thrusting and shaking so passionately

until im left inert

completely disoriented

no person or time to be placed

all control relinquished to foreign frequency 

don't make this safe

don't belt down the impact

don't wake me up

i welcome this crash

Ezra W.

my fish died last night.

choking on tears, i flushed his unmoving body this morning
DOA
his name was Ezra, by the way
he was my first
and i loved him
i haven't had a living being close to me die in a very long time
i wasn't ready
and i know, a fish's death is probably a trivial matter to many
but Ezra's signified something much deeper...

almost everything that we had is succumbing to expiration.

toe-tagged and bagged
labeled "do not resuscitate"
it's scary that we now have a cemetery in the place of our castle
filled with innocent casualties
as our foundation sinks beneath our feet
do we go down with it or do we abandon this place?
God is forcing our hands to create a new beginning,
but where?
we must decide
before we're the only life left to be stabbed with this fork in the road
we're blessed to be spared for last
but we can't continue to take advantage of our martyrs
our plan wasn't to breed for death, right?
too much love lives here.

It's Always Love

i refuse to change who i am 
when i'm in love

because it's all i have

my passion

my devotion

my ability to get under the skin

it's what truly makes me 

me

so opened and so honest

nothing a secret 

my guts spilled everywhere 

regardless of the mess

because i live to transfuse my man with strength

hard truths and tough times of the world 

never to consume him

since at home im there to put things into perspective 

build him back up

sometimes with a tongue lashing

but it's always all love

tough love we all need sometimes 

to be reminded that the world doesn't owe us 

anything

we owe the world

we owe each other

& i owe my man the love needed to handle that

all of the love i can give

the best ways i know how

if for no other reason, simply because he's my best friend

so i refuse to change who i am

when i'm in love

because it's all i have

imperfectly honest

devoutly real

insanely faithful

love 

is all i have