Think Smart

let these words
speak life to my thoughts deaded in
speech impediment
see
im not crazy
the voices in my head
maybe
but they have every right to be
locked in involuntary confinement
because im too afraid to let them free
afraid they won't come back to me
they're all i have to keep me
company
trusty companion to my feelings
protecting them from
feeling
'cause i can't introduce them to my heart just yet
it's unfamiliar territory i trained myself to fight against
built immunity to what keeps me alive
with my mind
the only strength fearless enough to fight its own life
man, it was easy being dead on the inside
nothing could grow so nothing could die
therefore to survive i
took on my fears in the form of impersonation
'cause it's silly to fear the impersonated
...right?
abandoned myself
so nobody could abandon me...again
then
with emotion turned mental
i packed every thought on a train
and shipped them far away
to my brain
with one clear instruction
"let
no one
in
even if it's me saying im your long lost friend...
trust
no one"
...
the hell was i thinkin?
providing the one-way track for this train of thought
without an outlet
round and round in my head
running 24/7
with no destination
left to chase its own end
and be
satisfied with the self-proclaimed win
since ive convinced myself
thinking is fun
letting it out
isn't
thought carousel alluring my identity captive
with bright ideas
and
constant movement
never running on E...motion sickness