a simple sentiment...

you can keep sleepin' on me if you want, but when you wake up & im gone don't expect me to be present in your dreams...you'll NEVER get to sleep on me again.

Think Smart

let these words
speak life to my thoughts deaded in
speech impediment
see
im not crazy
the voices in my head
maybe
but they have every right to be
locked in involuntary confinement
because im too afraid to let them free
afraid they won't come back to me
they're all i have to keep me
company
trusty companion to my feelings
protecting them from
feeling
'cause i can't introduce them to my heart just yet
it's unfamiliar territory i trained myself to fight against
built immunity to what keeps me alive
with my mind
the only strength fearless enough to fight its own life
man, it was easy being dead on the inside
nothing could grow so nothing could die
therefore to survive i
took on my fears in the form of impersonation
'cause it's silly to fear the impersonated
...right?
abandoned myself
so nobody could abandon me...again
then
with emotion turned mental
i packed every thought on a train
and shipped them far away
to my brain
with one clear instruction
"let
no one
in
even if it's me saying im your long lost friend...
trust
no one"
...
the hell was i thinkin?
providing the one-way track for this train of thought
without an outlet
round and round in my head
running 24/7
with no destination
left to chase its own end
and be
satisfied with the self-proclaimed win
since ive convinced myself
thinking is fun
letting it out
isn't
thought carousel alluring my identity captive
with bright ideas
and
constant movement
never running on E...motion sickness

Access Granted

we need a sunny sky full of stars for this
cause i can sense each kiss
fix a wish on my lips
imagination
granting the unimaginable
as i
vocalize you into my reality
boldly whispering my screaming feelings for you
to more than just my pillow
now
secrets i share in darkness fill this room
as your name
escapes from my dreams
each syllable
bouncing off of my walls as they talk
about you
echoing what i fear to face
to the ceiling above my bed
knowing that my eyes will venture there
the place where i tend to stop and stare
when i wake up in the morning
and think
of you

If You Ask Me, I'm Ready

my enemy
outstretched
falling from my sleeves
im holding my fears in my hand
far away from my mind
'cause
the only fear i want this close
is you
as we build this foundation
of friendship
first
but i should tell you
in this molding of earth
you're leaving footprints on my chest
impressed on the left
slowly beating the first letter of your name
see...
you're the first to create a path of your own
through my deep forest of dying trees
you always saw the beauty in me
and paved your way right to it
planting seeds in the places where i've
been trampled with B's and S's
tip-toeing over them with the kiss of U
its sweetness
curving the taste of my bitter past
revealing that there is
a fruitful future
ripe with possibility if you just
wait for it

"My Stuff"...A Poem That Doesn't Matter

pay attention to me
the language my body speaks
reveals me powerfully weak
manifested through my strong posture and
my rigid stance
cant you see that?
damn
my verbal cues dont even provide clues huh?
blatant expression
ignored
hushed loudly
because how i feel
doesnt matter
im an adult, not a child
yet you still consider me the latter
and projectingly deny any piercing persecution
of your words
because you hid from yourself the truth
and purposely forgot where you put it
while lying
in plain view to me
here it is
right on my spirit
weighing down who i am and
stifling my voice
its silence
struggling to resonate through the oppression of darkness
but you could care less
because what i have to say
doesnt matter
my words penetrate nothing but your middle finger
and what am i supposed to do with that?
i cant say fuck you back
so i choke those words with captured cries instead
killing two birds with one stone
'cause God forbid i ever let tears fall from eyes
you'll only wipe them dry
with patronizing tissue
hallmarked with your favorite words:
"let it go...that's your stuff"
never allowing me to acknowledge my feelings
because you dont accept them
they're invalid
foreign in your state
of mind
not authorized to be bartered with compromise
since your availablilty of understanding is insufficient
and this
is why
this
is why im built so tough
a learned defense against my grandmother's "stuff"
and on top of that
she didn't hug me that much
nor uttered the words "i love you" enough
those words
only exchanged on special occasions
therefore
conditioned unfamiliar to the articulation of my tounge
uncomfortable to even whisper
because emotions
have never been a valid response
their existence
nonexistent
along with all of
"my stuff"
all of
me
because who i am
never mattered