Mr. America

that's how it was
i'd be useful for a season then you'd
somehow find a reason
to commit terrorist treason
against this united state of mind you
plead for us to be in
monopolizing my mind and
capitalizing the limited capacity of my heart
corrupting the only ally to my sanity
you raped me
of all logic
with your practical promises of
"a better tomorrow"
and my loyalty trusted you
pledged allegiance to
even the red flags
a blind partisan
governed by fear of sight
i loved my king dumb
in any condition
always ready to rebuild
from scratch
after the nature of ANY storm
but then
the rain began to come too often
and the fixed foundation began to soften
because i only had mud to mold monuments
as i stood strong
for them
by myself
i became numb
cold
even when basking in
the sun after the final quake
until one day
washed up
concealed under the lines you used to draft me
a piece you hid from me for so long
was revealed to me by the harsh reality of our current
finally within my reach
i skipped straight to the fineprint
and behold
therein lied the statement
"land of the tease, home of the slave"
contracted
in your handwriting

...i had to go.

Ink Blot

because
most perception is deception
right?
well then
i hope you perceive me in the wrong
so you can see me in the right
observe me in the dark
so you can find me in the night
and appreciate my light
because i just found it
and i want to share this
with you
illuminate the path to me
instead of testing your fear with darkness
first
my opposite attracting you
so the truth can't distract you
you'll be amazed at its beauty
its innocence
its purity
and its
worth the wait
time only pressing my impression
on you
with every word i write on this paper inspired
by you
bound by these spirals that hold my thoughts together
the only backbone supporting my standstill
on these pages
their deception impeccably true
fallacy only living in my masquerade
yielding a mask of fortitude
patience
never was my strong suit
despite its strengthening virtue
it thrills me weak
anticipation crippling me to walk more upright
thoughts racing at a
tongue tying tempo
pep in my step
interpreted as a newfound connection with my heartbeat
because
most perception is deception
right?

Lifted.

i know i'm not ready but
i need what i'm not ready
for
to thrive
come alive and
survive
in space
space other than that consisting of darkness
nightfall is no longer my friend
it betrayed me
stabbed me in the back
and exposed the secrets i hid within its sea of black
all the while
throwing shade
keeping me confined to its mystery
my existence seemingly hiding within it
when its density
was actually hiding in me
camouflaging
providing the fuel for my darkest dreams
shrinking in fear that someone would shine light
on the truth
life
exists
life exists outside of this abyss
a better soul mate than this
death
dwelling in my skin

Mentee

miss peppermint
the name of the cane
hooking you with my curve as i sooth your nerves
flogging my swirl around your world
a breath of fresh air
providing relief from the stench of redundancy so repugnant
see
i am
calamity
in its most sugar-coated form
providing internal peace
with every piece of me
taste my aroma
it’s potency
dependent upon how well you
tongue me
take me
in
i can open your mind with my scents
and pore your insides with the harshness of my haze
but don’t be deterred by my extra strength
nourish your weakness with it
calm your intuition
fulfill your gut feelin’
and
digest it
it’s hungry
and i’m
good for you

Pillow Talk

i just want to sleep with you
and reap the seeds i sow in these sheets
with you
intrude my reality with your dreams
so that i
can make belief
with you
next
to you
submerged in the black of night
with you
your presence
the only light for my misguided soul
please
take control
i relinquish all rights to this title i tote
i yearn for a new one
one that directly connects us
back to this bed
where we speak in our sleep
our hearts off beat
yet in tune
with each others
i've never rested
my head on a heart with a beat that matches mine
irregularly regular
quantifying our time
time sprung back
falling forward
tripping over its history
and fantasy of future
on edge with every tick of time
because it signifies our full circle
dance
around possibility
the possibility my subconscience whispers to your pillow
as i lie in your presence
in hopes that in my absence
when you
lie your head to sleep
my secrets seep from its hiding place
and kiss your eardrums
pecking the seeds we've sewn in these sheets
deep
in the front of your mental
whispers so gentle
"remember me...long time"
feel me
on your mind
and
hear me
with your heart
so that i can be
your dream when you're awake
and your reality
when you sleep

A Night At The Museum

im in a place i’ve never been
but i know exactly where i am
the sky
grounding me
in so much concrete that i can’t move
and i haven’t
for years
same cinder block sealing my sanity
within my toes
underneath
the souls of them all
touching earth with cold feet
refusing to diffuse their identity
with the life living right in front of me
so close my fingers can taste the touch
but still out of reach
because ive grown to be moved by stagnation
thriving within myself
feeding on the possibility of
possibly partaking in impossible love
where its paradox
is as common as a pair of socks
for my
frigid stance
so
here i stand
still
knowing exactly where i am
in a place i’ve never seen before
because for once
a sightseer was kind enough
to confront my statuesque existence
and gently
place rose colored glasses over its eyes
so i can look better
while i stand here
building up the courage to finally take a step
in my own time

Hot Tea

this cup is infected
and i backed up just in time
before it confronted mine insides and
filled my fantasy with fever
peaking my thermostat with decapitating delirium
sensory overload
ive always been
so cold
unmoved by temperature 
even if i touched your earth's core
i can give nothing more
so i take all of yours
and confront your fire of desire
bare naked 
under your skin
skin thicker than the nerves of mine
yet thinner within
in defense
i fashion flesh from the inside out
please don’t get caught up on its appearance
you'll get burned
with the bravery it takes to see me for who i really am
under this wardrobe i stitched 
from the mere ideas that thread my needle
weaving in and out of experiences
because im afraid to feel them for myself
experiences as fragile as what’s left of me
the bones of my stripped skeleton
hidden in my closet
at the bottom of this cup

I Don't Know What To Name This

we're in a snow globe
and the footprints are
about to disappear
quick
tell me
how did we get here
we'll never be able to retrace our steps if
we dont turn back
now
and that's so unlike me
no sense of direction with
no map
no compass
and
no plan
damn
shaken up
my mouth wide open
im so stuck
on the glitter falling around me
that
i can't even process
what's about to fall on my tongue
making me gag my guts to you
ugly presentation
still interpreted beautiful
to you
unconditional understanding
no clue
and
covered in your substance
i dont even mind being held captive
captivated by all
in the hour of this glass
because we're just that
timeless
i dont mind
as long as i know underneath all
your vanishing footprints
were leading my vanishing conscience
at some point
to
some point
so that faithfully
i can walk their path blind
eyes covered with the blindfold of what you
opened my eyes to
subconciously

Plottin'

"pardon my poetry"
its truth speaking clearly the syllables my congested heart
struggles
to
beat
the pulse of weighted words
tongue tripping over the manifestation
of consonants and vowels my mouth isnt ready to sound out
yet
'cause these lips arent ready to taste them
they quiver in fear that someone will hear
their whisper
and so i write
pen packing passion
inking my fears
but
i feel like you've known this
all along
me and you
me
afraid of reciprocity
while you
afraid i'll never flip the reciprocal
so we leave it
at the lowest common denominator
imaginary
the negative in i
obstructing my view of the positive
in you
the root...
im simply a square
afraid to round the defense of my sharp edges to
accomodate the paces of your patience
that tread the thin line of my unstable perimeter
reltentlessly
showing your work
quietly
as you passively plot your next move
to decipher each rubix cube clue
and reveal each side
of my true colors
as a whole
but
i feel like you've known this all along
and that scares me
bullshitless

Mirage

i
secretly wish we
could have
it all
and embody the reflection of potential i saw
each time you would admiringly
stand behind me, and smile
as i gazed in the mirror
getting ready for a world which peers with scrutiny
the only time i had the chance to possess the eyes of the beholder
and be held
oh, how perfect we
looked
together
extrospective vantage point
potentiality staring back at us
mirroring what our love
could be
but ultimately
never
would be
taunting our reality
with an image that only existed in that moment
in
that mirror
such a tease, that mirror
and now
it plagues me
with black tongue ridicule
it plays me
infected silhouette
decomposing
exposing the empty space over my cold shoulder
where you
used to reverently rest your head
each time you would admiringly
stand behind me, and smile
as i gazed in the mirror
getting ready for a world which peers with scrutiny
a simple moment
vividly etched in my mind
captured in color by my
fawning photographic nostalgia


...indefinitely.

De-tached

black hole
pierced soul
punctured lobes
eluded emotions
synapse with my notions
so i can remember
how to feel
because i
forgot.
so cold
empty
i fold
simply
withold
life
midnight heist
kidnapped lights
my voice
my vice
thinking twice
who am i
who
am i
???
selective amnesia
forget me not
set free
these muted memories
so i can remember
who i am
because i
forgot.

a simple sentiment...

don't wait or wish for "the one"...just keep moving forward along your own single path & surely, at some point, you'll gaze across & see someone treading a path perfectly paralleling yours.

::the one::